clusterofcrocus
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New York, New York...considering we've only had one fall break in my time here at Concordia, traveling to New York was the best fall break EVER! I'll sum up the trip in highs and lows. Lows: Highs: Traveling with someone is such a bonding experience, and going to New York has been such an amazing glimpse into our future. I can't wait.
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jubilant | |
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This school year has flown by. So fast. It's funny. If I look back before this year, I was a completely different person. I've never really been the type to talk about a boyfriend on the internet or in public, but I have to in this situation. The reason why I am completely different is because of David. We've dated since the end of September, and consequently, changed my perspective of my entire junior year of college. He is my best friend, and I would be lost without him. I'm not trying to be overly sentimental or mushy, but it's the truth, and I'm tired of avoiding his name when I write these types of entries. And I promise, this will be the only entry that I really go on about him... But back to David, he really does complete me. As a little girl (who had very romantic thoughts and ideas about life), I was always convinced in the idea that there is one perfect person for you out there. Then, in my sophomore or freshman year of high school, I was riding in the car on the way to school with Mark. We were listening to a musical (surprise!) - I don't remember which one - but a character found his true love, yet settled for someone else. I remember saying aloud how terrible that is. And Mark shook all of those romantic notions out of my head by telling me harsh realities of some people's lives. He told me that life isn't like the movies and fairy tales. Love and marriage isn't perfect, and lots of people settle for people that they can live with. I, on the other hand, wanted to be with someone I couldn't live without. Since that conversation, I had dated a few guys, 2 of them would be considered serious, and as time passed, I was sure that Mark was right. Yeah, I really liked those guys, and they were great people, but those fireworks and lovey dovey stuff that every girl wants just wasn't there. I was beginning to lose faith in love and the promises that Disney brainwashed me with as a little girl. Then along came David. To make a long story short, the wait was worth it. I cannot live without David, and that is how I have felt every day since September 28th. Moral of the story: don't settle. don't worry. God knows you and He knows what you need. He will provide you with someone who you are so in love with that even Disney's love stories rival with. |
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I love Thanksgiving. Because then I can officially embrace the Christmas season. Singing Christmas songs, having Boar's Head stuck in my head, sipping hot chocolate, decorating trees and rooms, and playing in the snow. How I love Christmas. It reminds me of Erin's and my room last year, and so of course it has good memories attached to it. But for some reason, I am really gung ho about this year's holiday season. Maybe because I don't see my family as often. Maybe because no one is ever in a bad mood on Christmas, and I have been in this continuous good mood for pretty much the majority of the semester. I don't know the reason, but I do know that I can't wait. This week I have been in Spain, and I am so glad that I came. I have been visiting Erin, and as a bonus I also have been hanging out with Christine and Emily and getting to know some other Americans too. It was probably the best Thanksgiving I have had in a while, because since I didn't have the things that I normally do, I was really aware of what I am thankful for. And I realized that God has blessed me so much this year. My life is wonderful, and I just can't say that enough. I don't know why, but God has really placed great things in my life. I have never been so thankful of Erin. And then we got sad because we realized that we will probably never spend another Thanksgiving together, unless if I married into her family. But we couldn't think of any eligible bachelors in her family, so I guess that idea's no good. I am leaving for America tomorrow and I have mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, I haven't seen my family and friends in a long time, and I can't wait to see them all again. On the other hand, I am leaving and Erin isn't coming with me. This week has reminded me why I love hanging out with this girl, and the next few weeks at Concordia is going to be hard without her, like the beginning of the semester all over again. But I guess that will just make next semester that much better. This hasn't happened recently, but right now, I'm excited about my future. What's in store? God only knows.
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grateful | |||
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I wish I was more domestically trained. I can’t really describe my eye color. I get stressed easily. I hate it when people don’t believe me. Sweatpants are no more comfortable to me than jeans are. I love my family. I love the smell of autumn. I am a perfectionist. I always wanted to learn to play the violin I wish I was closer with my dad. I can be quite selfish at times. I still act like a little kid sometimes. I love pictures. I wish I were more motivated when it comes to school. I love getting mail. I have problems letting go of people. I hate the feeling of being lonely. I don’t have a favorite animal. April is my favorite month because it’s my birthday month. I miss the friends that I haven't seen for a while. I like the feeling of sneezing. Childhood memories are the best. History interests me like no other subject. I hardly ever have a problem sleeping through the night. I love the Lord of the Rings movies I get attached easily to friends and family But I have huge commitment issues when it comes to relationships I like to watch movies that make you cry. I love playing in the rain. I love to paint my nails. I only buy Orbit wintermint gum. I have never been smart enough for my own standards. I don’t believe there’s such a thing as an ugly baby. I love ice cream. I am never completely satisfied with myself physically. I love cream cheese on bagels. My middle name is Julia. It really bothers me when I allow others to dictate my mood. I really don’t like it when guys have piercings. I look bad in hats and sunglasses. I have lived in three states. I hate cooked vegetables. I never share my birthday with any cool dead people or celebrities. I hate people that bring me down I got my sn from my mom. I don’t like holes in jeans. I have an obsession with looking grown up. I want to live in Russia for a whole summer.
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content | |||
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I'm a junior this year. That's weird. I only have one more year left. Even weirder. I'm changing so much this semester, and the worst part of all is that Erin is not here to change with me. A whole semester of drama and inside jokes and classes that she will never be apart of. That worries me. It's going to be so different, and I don't know if I'm up for that transition when she gets back. I can't handle it when my friends aren't happy with me. At the same time, I know that God planned all this change at this time in my life for a reason. I need to trust in Him, which is easier said than done. Yesterday was Sweetest Day...ha. I just want everyone to know that last night I and two other sober Concordia girls started Club Necto. Yes, no one else would be dancing if it weren't for us. We're awesome. And Necto was...an interesting experience. I'm torn and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I wish I had all the answers. I have been turning to God a lot more lately, and He has given me a lot of answers - but not on specifics, more on things like the meaning of life and love and His great Plan for all of us. I feel like a teacher! Doing all these lesson plans, bulletin boards, thinking creatively and flexibly. It gets me so excited about my future, even if I am unsure as to what that all entails. I'm going to my first opera in November and I couldn't be more excited.
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happy | |||
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So I survived yet another semester and another school year. It's crazy how time flies. I have amazing friends. I am loved. Life is good. Camping with the best next weekend!
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I made someone's day yesterday :) It makes me so happy to make others happy.
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touched | |||
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get a perm visit the Louve Museum hold hands while ice skating learn how to tie a tie eat Italian food in Italy go to the Grand Canyon celebrate St. Patrick's Day in Dublin learn more Bach motets go to a day spa and get a full body treatment see a tiger in its natural habitat visit all 50 states - only 20 more to go have babies (and a husband, of course!) New Year's Eve in Times Square speak Russian fluently do mission work on all of the continents (maybe not Antarctica) kiss someone in Paris go on a Martin Luther tour write a song see the Taj Mahal go to an opera see a flamenco dance in Spain show my loved ones Russia (my version of Russia) adopt a Russian orphan make a Thanksgiving dinner spend every Christmas with family learn how to drive a stick walk the Great Wall of China
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silly | |||||
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So last week was really fun, even though Erin and I didn't go anywhere. Cancun would have been amazing though. Anyway, over break, I got close to a lot of work friends and I really liked it. Chris and David were always there to listen to me ramble, and Chris was amazing on Saturday. I felt like his little sister, but he looked out for me and always made sure I was comfortable at Collin and Andrew's apartment. I was kinda thinking of not going on Saturday, and he was willing to go with me to a movie instead of the party; he was so determined to make sure I was enjoying myself. I can't even count how many times he asked me if I was having a good time. But then again, he probably doesn't remember how many times he asked me that either. Chris makes me laugh. It's interesting because that week was a glimpse into a life that I could've had, had I stayed at home after high school or commuted to school, both of which were suggested to me at one point. The lifestyle is so different, and I had a really good time last week. As I was driving back to school, a part of me actually wanted to stay in Howell for a little bit longer. But as soon as I got back to school and were surronded by my friends here, I remembered why I love my friends and Concordia so much. And why staying in Howell and hanging out with those friends is not the best for me. I love them, but they are not the best influence on me. I'm torn between two worlds. I have a lot of fun back home, but I know I have to regulate my time spent with them (for my own sake). Also, I keep thinking that I act differently around them. I don't want to, but as I was making cupcakes last night with Erin, Bethany, Megan, and Ryan, I couldn't help but think that I would never be able to do silly fun things like make cupcakes with work people. This really makes me think. Especially with Advanced Comp and the whole desire line. It just makes me really evaluate myself and my actions. PS Lala's coming tomorrow!!! Can't wait!
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I'm sooo glad break is here. I really was getting lethargic and stressed the past few days. I woke up toady at 11:45 and I haven't done that all year - it was amazing. I only wish that Erin woke up above me. I miss her. I really want to girl talk. David (this guy at work) is a great listener, but he's not a girl...sorry David. Ahhhh I'm so....something. I don't even know what I am. Or what I want.
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uncomfortable | |||
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The more I get involved, the more I know I shouldn't...yet the more I want to...
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You know what I can't stand? Grudges. People who hold on to grudges are wasting a part of their life, in my opinion. I understand if you get upset about things and it takes a while to let things go, but holding onto things for years? Grow up and get over it. I'm throwing the towel in.
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frustrated | |||
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Yesterday I talked to two really good old friends. Talking to old friends can be really good or really painful. One was really refreshing because it was if nothing had changed and our conversation was easy and I feel like we will always have one of those relationships where we can just pick up from where we left off and we will always be able to be friends if we try. The other one was not so good. Everything has changed between us and I can't agree on hardly anything with her anymore. I want to remain close, but it's so hard. We try really hard, but it's not that enjoyable.
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thoughtful | |||
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Sometimes I really wonder what God has in store for me. Like I really really wonder and I just want to know. I just have to remember that it's on God's time, not mine. Ugh I'm so impatient. Teija my Finnish friend has been emailing me and that girl is so cute and I'm really glad that I'm staying in touch with her. Emily is stressed out so give her a hug and pray for her. House is on in 15 minutes and I can't even freaking wait. I love the fact that I am a real leader for Russia this year. Writing lesson plans and running meetings and being in charge of something I love is a dream come true. Thank you Jesus for making this possible. Who ever would have thought back in 2003 that in five years I would still be going to Russia and I'm coordinating things and it's a huge chunk of my life? Happy Birthday Leah! She's 21. Everyone is getting so old. I want to go home, I really miss my family. I am sick of New Testament and sometimes I really wish that Shuta would cancel class. I hate doing homework when I know it is pointless, because he is just going to give notes on it anyway. I really like the room situation this year. Erin, Jess, and Stephanie are great and we're all getting along beautifully. Yay! I miss seeing shows. A lot. The only one I saw this summer was Little Shop (pretty good) and Once Upon a Mattress (absolutely not pretty good). The Requiem is totally growing on me and now I have it stuck in my head.
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lonely | |
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How I love America. Especially the fact that they give free refills. And how water is free. And how cars don't run you over here. But at the same time, how I love Russia. I can't get enough of it and every day that I'm not there I want to be there. (Ok maybe not every day, but close to it) Being at the camp in Tikhovitsi is like a home away from home. Its so relaxing and peaceful there; I'm so close to God there. I feel like when I'm there, there are no distractions and nothing to get in the way of me and God. It's so refreshing. When the orphans arrive, I feel like I could stay there forever. Being with kids who need God's love so badly plus the fact that God can love them through them me is kind of addicting. I just want to be with them all the time and never have to leave them. They need so much attention. Spiritual and physical. And so every day I would try and hug all of the kids at least once, even if they were older. It was kinda funny with the older kids. I would give them a hug and they wouldn't return it, but they wouldn't try and stop me. Even the toughest kids need love. I can't wait till I'm old enough and married so I can adopt some kids from that orphanage. This one girl Anya was absolutely adorable. So was Svyeta. And Andre. And Dima. And Sasha. The list goes on and on. Sasha was a favorite for the Americans this year. He was so innocent and sweet, I don't want the orphanage to change him. We asked the kids to draw a picture of all the things God has given him, and on his picture he drew sunshine and butterflies and all of that sweet stuff. And he would dance like crazy. He just loved to express himself by dancing. We taught him the macarena. He was adorable. When I leave there, I try and think of all these ways I can see the kids more than once a year, but so far there's been no realistic ones. I just want to be there, with the kids. More than anything. I think that the orphans were the first people that I loved outside of my family. Really loved, like would sacrifice anything for them. God is so cool.
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indescribable | |||||
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Right now I'm in Deutschland and it is super fun. Great company and great food. Had my first beer last night at dinner. As my lovely friend Erin would say, I didn't hate it! Russia was amazing. God was doing some serious work there. I can't wait to go back there next year. I'm getting home on Friday and will try to update with more detail.
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So I decided that it's a really good thing that I work 40 hours a week, otherwise I would be sitting around on my bum all day and doing nothing. Basically, I have no life this summer. Oh well. I mean, last summer all I did was work and hang out with Stephanie, but this summer she is working 40 hours too and she hangs out with Eric a lot and it's even weirder because for the first time in my life, I have come to the realization that Eric really is more important to her. It doesn't make me angry (well, it made me angry for quite sometime in the past year, but I wasn't ready to accept it then), it's just different. I know we will always have that "best friends" bond, but I am working on slowly backing down and letting Eric take over that title. And I decided why things were so different between us. They weren't. I was just being different. It's because when I am with her, she is definitely the leader and the loud and the funny one. Sure, I have my moments, but it's normally her. And I was perfectly ok with that, we both knew the balance of our relationship, and it was perfect. Well, then I went off to school and made a whole batch of wonderfully great friends, but there was no Stephanie leader person. So without realizing it, I stepped up. When I am at school, I am so much more louder and outgoing. I make my friends laugh, instead of me waiting for them too. That's kinda how I am when I am with my family, and I decided that is how I like to be. So it is weird when I am back with Stephanie because I have to learn how to be the quiet one again, how to be the conservative, non-outgoing one. Gosh, everyone is going to think that I hate her. It's quite the opposite, I promise. I love her very dearly and the only reason I can be so open about this whole situation is because I am ok with it. I still have loads of fun with her and I laugh a lot. I'm not complaining at all, I'm just putting it out there. I got to see Megan on Saturday and I decided that I fricken love her. It was so good to chat with her. I am so hooked on Harry Potter, I feel like such a dork. Yesterday was Kate's birthday...Happy 17th! Russia is only 2 weeks away!!!
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bouncy | |
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Well home is always relaxing.... Working at the Bucks is nothing new, I'm just scared that I'm going to drink my weight in frappicinos...but I ran tonight! Erin would be so proud of me. On Saturday I get to see Meggie poo and I can't wait! And then I think on Monday Erin and I and La are all gonna try and hang out. I miss my friends. After hearing Josh's voicemails, I really miss hanging out with him. Things with Stephanie are kinda weird...not weird just different. |
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